Failing my twenties continues…


I think it’s apt that #90 will be working too hard since this list has sprawled over months instead of weeks as I had first envisioned. My day usually goes like this… 5AM wake up… workworkworkworkworkwork stuff a sandwich in my face at my desk workworkworkwork drinkabottleofwine faceplantintomybed repeat.

And I suppose #89 would have to be not working hard enough. Because before this work thug life I was a carefree (struggling) freelancer and it is only in recent years I have flung myself into the world of a 60 hour a week baws lady. THERE ARE NO HALF MEASURES.  Oh god I wish there was a half measure.


#88: doing make up while drunk resulting in white glitter all over my eyes one too many times. (unfortunately all evidence of this has now been removed from the internet and will remain under lock and key for many years until I can bear the pain)

#87 – too many Green Monsters – Sweet Cider, Lager and Blue Curacao making a potent start to the night out when we lived in Manchester. When attempting basic arithmetic at work I realise my brain has possibly melted.

#86 – Watching too many episodes of Friends on repeat. 

#85 – not reading enough of the right thing. I used to be such a book worm but in my twenties it’s been so easy to stare glossy eyed at the free Metro and Stylist, or the discarded “Take a Break” on the tube ride home etc. But sometimes I really wish I’d spent all those hours of commuting reading something to stimulate my soul rather than the depth of Kim Kardashian’s soul or whether Sandy from Luton really went to the toilet and then gave birth without knowing it. *face plant*

#84 – Wearing too much black. I constantly look like I’m going to a funeral. My wardrobe is organised by colour and it’s greyscale.

#83 – hair removal – spending way too much money on finding the perfect means of hair removal and then being obsessed with constantly removing it.

#82 – Giving them a second chance. A big chunk of your life, and heart, will be removed when you give someone (who doesn’t deserve it) a second chance. Invariably they do not deserve it if they got to a point where you had to give them a second chance. I can only dream if I didn’t give some people a second, or third, or fourth, chance I would be slightly less mentally unstable than I am now. And I’m not just talking about lovers, friends, family and animals too.

#81 – exercise. oh god it aches when I walk up the fire escape stairwell at work. I fear it will be too late for me to redeem my health. It’s never too late! I hear you cry. Oh no, I’ve put the telly on…


#80 – Trainers. I have recently purchased a pair of Air Max Thea. Why oh why did I waste 26 years of my life not wearing trainers… Well at least the last 8 years since I left school (where I feigned interest in sports for the two hours a week necessary) My feet have never been happier, I’m walking on air! And I look bloody cool too. I realise #81 and #80 are at odds with each other. Why own trainers if you won’t do exercise? Well the same reason I own a ball gown but don’t go to balls. FASHION! Delusion.

Screen Shot 2014-11-19 at 09.19.34

#79 – Saving money… Where did my bonus go…? Oh wait it’s hanging in my closet and rolling around in my stomach… I can save for a house/holiday/life next month right??? BYEMATURITY I’ll be hanging out at Queen of Hoxton until Spring.

Tune in next time and until then, embrace the failure!



One comment

  1. Feminine and Feline · November 19, 2014

    #82 & #84 are my life right now. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

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