girl v. booty calls, Tinder and the no sex/good sex theory.

There are few more depressing reminders of your maturity and responsibility then being booty called over to Spain at 6AM when you’re awake because you’re on the way to work on a Saturday. OK, so would I have actually hopped on a plane if I wasn’t going to work? Not likely. I mean he’s a nice guy and all but firstly, booty-calls shouldn’t span further than counties. Second of all, who the fuck does that anymore? A BOOTY CALL?! We’re 25 people. But the thought was nice and I like the idea that we can still be completely frivolous sometimes without the thought of something boring like how decisions would affect our mortgage payments. (note. I do not have a mortgage).

Do people actually still booty call? I had hoped this practice would have died out. I remember in university it was all the rage; in the taxi after a night out on the razz trying to drum up some post-party activities. Often I was the recipient, and on a rare occasion the one making the call! But I thought booty call sex was a university thing and that now we were grown up we went on dates to probe whether they were a complete weirdo before I jumped into bed with them…
Of course the counter argument is Tinder and Grindr, which say the complete opposite. That in fact we now can booty call people without even knowing them. So what about Tinder? Since everyone else is talking about it I thought I would throw in my two cents. The idea that I could cut out the tedious task of dating and sifting through bars or friendship circles, surely the solution to all our problems. So I had to ask around my friends about Tinder.
I was surprised to see just how socially acceptable Tinder is. I first heard about Grindr when it was all hush hush, naughty words. But through the time zones of my friends, Tinder gets a resounding socially-acceptable thumbs up, although the success rate is not as strong.
“Tinder! The main reason I need to get rid of my piece of shit Blackberry and get a new phone.” Was my favourite response about the app.
But Tinder is not for me.  There’s something rather unsettling I find about it and that’s not just these lovely folks: www.twatsontinder.tumblr.com/
With sex so readily available I worry about diluting its essence. Once we cut out the chase does our appetite become so voracious that we constantly push ourselves to look for something more? If sex is the end of our journey, what happens when you can get it even before you start? And eventually do our appetites cease to be quenched that it can turn into an addiction and something more sinister and compulsive. Perhaps I’ve been reading too many sex addiction stories. 
Online dating/hook-ups never really appealed so much to me. I still believe that having sex is a very big deal and something not to be stepped in so lightly. Not because I want to get married to the next guy I sleep with, not even because I would want to be in a relationship with them. But because I believe if you are going to share such an intimate part of yourself and your life with someone, there should be something more than just physical attraction. What makes sex great is a sense of humour and great rapport. And a sexual rapport is difficult to come by. But when it does, I think you become reluctant to settle for less. 
My friends think I’m crazy but I made a pact with myself called the good sex/no sex pact after a series of questionable decisions over the years. Not that there was anything wrong with questionable decisions but after so many Lily Allen Not Fair moments of great disappointment I decided I didn’t want to make the effort unless the prize was worth it. The chase and the build up were often so much fun but after it all I sort of felt a great sense of… ok is that it, and so now what? And then it can become addictive, maybe after this time it will feel different, or after this guy. maybe if I date this guy instead of just sleep with him it will mean more. The no sex/good sex pact just means that I won’t have sex unless it’s good sex. And quite frankly the pact is working well… I mean because since then I have really only had good sex. My friends don’t believe I can tell if it will be good sex until you actually sleep with them. But I’m pretty secure in what I want and I know when it is just not there. And I would rather go awhile without bad sex if I knew what I was waiting for was worth it.
To me the physical act of sex is not enough, it’s too easy nowadays thanks to Tinder, social media and just our growing curiosity and confidence. It is so readily available that it’s not enough to satisfy me. Maybe it’s all that meditating and yoga I’ve been doing… But I’m sure others feel the same. but there’s something pure about good sex and I like to preserve that. Anyway, like your virginity, I say wait. You don’t know good sex until you’ve had it. As the New Radicals said, you only get what you give. And that is just as true as anywhere when concerned with sex.
I’m not advocating my theory to all and I am not slating Tinder either. It is a fascinating insight to the human psyche at this moment, 2013. But maybe when you’ve got tired of Tinder, or feeling ground down by Grindr, try the no sex/good sex theory and let me know how it goes. 
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